Life is just not fair

I found out this morning that a little girl that goes to school with Reahgan, lost her mother last night to breast cancer. I know of Amber, had met her a couple of times. She has a 7 year old daughter named Ansleigh, and a 2 year old named Annasten. Amber had been in remission for a little while then she found out the cancer had returned full force in Feb. 2007. She had been hospital bound pretty much the whole time.
There are so many things that are going on in my mind right now. I want to know why. I want to understand why these little girls will not have a mom. I want to know why someone who tries to do the right things in life can get dealt such a crappy hand.
Then there are my selfish thoughts. I see this can happen. I wonder why me? Why did I have to be the one to be diagnosed with Breast Cancer? I don't want to leave my babies. I don't want to leave Brian. I am terrified that may happen. I know that I am being selfish, but I think I have earned that right. I know that the Dr's are doing everything that they can, ultimately it is completely up to GOD. I have faith that HE is in complete control, but sometimes, especially at times like this my faith begins to waver just a tad. Sometimes I feel like each day I have to bargain for more time. I watch Bekah crawl around the floor and I wonder if I will get to see her a year from now running in the yard. Reahgan is on the dance team at school and when I watch her practice I think, will I get to see this next year? And Riley, I want to see him learn to drive. I want to watch them grow up.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RILEY!!

Today is such a big day. Ten years ago at 5:30am I gave birth to one of the most precious gifts I will ever receive. Riley is 10. That is so had to believe. He has grown to be a handsome young man. I can only hope that the next 10 years are as great as the first were.
Riley was so excited today. Tonight he wants to go to his all time favorite restaurant, ICHIBAN. His party will be Sunday @ Winner's Circle. I will post more about his birthday tonight.

No more braces

It seems like it has not been long since Riley got his braces, 13 months. Today he had them taken off and he has the prettiest teeth. They are so straight. I have included a before picture, one last picture with the braces on and then the finished product. He is so handsome.

And how was your day?

Today has been a really long day. I had to be up at 4:50am to get ready to have Bekah at the hospital at 6:15 for tubes to be inserted into her ears. We got to the hospital, had to have a lot done, considering her heart murmurs. At 7:45 they take Bekah back to the O.R. within minutes the doctor is coming out telling me she is done. Riley and Reahgan have both had this done a few times so no big surprise there. The hospital has a new way of discharging patients, they discharge directly from recovery. So here we go leaving the hospital, Bekah still pretty much sedated. I get her home, she is going between hold me, no don't hold me, pick me up, let me roll on the floor, you get the jest of the situation. So I am sitting in the recliner rocking her at times, looking at her rolling around the floor at others. Bekah then proceeds to roll her legs under the recliner and will not move. I am trying to get her to move, meanwhile she is crying. I can't go forward, so I get the bright idea to go sideways-well when the chair went sideways she had enough room to stick her toe under the frame of the chair. The chair comes down on her foot. Luckily I realized this before it could do much damage, key word being much. We did manage to fracture her big toe. Spent the morning at the Dr's. having x-rays.
Needless to say I will be a lot more careful with the recliner and Bekah Boo.

And how was your day?

Guess what I found in the yard

A skunk with a ninja.








Just added this one for fun.

News

Hi guys. I wanted to let everyone know what the Dr had to say today. I had another round of radation and then a mammogram. Dr. is not as happy as he would like to be, the cancer has shrunk, but not as much as he would like to see. Next week he will be upping the dose (as he puts it), and possibly(big possibility) be adding two weeks to the treatments. This is a big disappointment to me being as I thought I would be having the cancer removed in three week. This means that Bekah has to be shuttled back and forth for another couple weeks. That is the really hard thing. I feel like she is growing up and I am missing it. She loves to be with nana and papaw, but I miss her so much. I am trying to keep my faith.

Just for fun

This was Riley's glowworm when he was a baby.

Mommy and Bekah Boo.

Me and my girls.

Brian and the kids @ Desoto Falls.

This is what I found when I came into the room.


Bekah loves her breakfast.

Reahgan after her Fall Festival at school.

Catching up pics...

GO RILEY!!



Riley is #81. If you look closely you can see him. He sacked the QB in one of the plays. He is the one under the dogpile.



A day a Lake Winnie with the kids.


Reahgan reading to her Bekah Boo.

WOW!

I can not believe that it has been 2 months since I posted anything. Things have been BUSY! Actually that is an under statement. There have been quite a few things happen in the last couple of months. Riley is playing football and Reahgan is cheering for his team. Bekah also cheers she just does it from the stands with mommy. He seems to like it at times, then at others he does not. Reahgan is perfectly content to cheer anytime, anywhere.
As most of you know I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. This is a very scary thing to be going through. Tomorrow I will under go my third round of radiation to shrink the cancer in my breast, then I will have three more weeks of radiation. After this I will then have a lumpectomy to remove the cancer. Wow, I typed it without crying. That is a big achievement on my part.
Now onto good news, Reahgan is going to be on the dance team at her school. This is the first year BPS has had this. She is so excited to be included. She has also joined Girl scouts. She is a...not quite sure at the moment will have to get back to you on that one.
Bekah is doing great. She turned 10 months old on the 6Th. That makes me want to cry. She is getting so big. She tries to walk all the time. She is so funny, I tell her no and she will just bust into tears. It is the cutest thing.
Riley will be 10 on the 17Th of this month(sniff:sniff:). Where does the time go??? We will have his party at Winners Circle, he is so excited.