Life is just not fair

I found out this morning that a little girl that goes to school with Reahgan, lost her mother last night to breast cancer. I know of Amber, had met her a couple of times. She has a 7 year old daughter named Ansleigh, and a 2 year old named Annasten. Amber had been in remission for a little while then she found out the cancer had returned full force in Feb. 2007. She had been hospital bound pretty much the whole time.
There are so many things that are going on in my mind right now. I want to know why. I want to understand why these little girls will not have a mom. I want to know why someone who tries to do the right things in life can get dealt such a crappy hand.
Then there are my selfish thoughts. I see this can happen. I wonder why me? Why did I have to be the one to be diagnosed with Breast Cancer? I don't want to leave my babies. I don't want to leave Brian. I am terrified that may happen. I know that I am being selfish, but I think I have earned that right. I know that the Dr's are doing everything that they can, ultimately it is completely up to GOD. I have faith that HE is in complete control, but sometimes, especially at times like this my faith begins to waver just a tad. Sometimes I feel like each day I have to bargain for more time. I watch Bekah crawl around the floor and I wonder if I will get to see her a year from now running in the yard. Reahgan is on the dance team at school and when I watch her practice I think, will I get to see this next year? And Riley, I want to see him learn to drive. I want to watch them grow up.